The Dickheads: Women are from Venus

Shwing Shwing
Take me to Sing Sing
Worth ten years,
it don’t mean a thing thing

Meet a strange girl in a bar
Bitch’s name is Ting Ting
Drink near and far
Bitch’s name is Ling Ling
Drink a lot more
Bitch’s name is Something Something
Lookat dis bitch… She had dat ass

I was in a rut
I wanted that butt
I wanted to bust a nut
I wanted to stimulate her clut

I’d screw her brains out
I’d screw her in the head
I’d screw her brains in
I’d screw her when she’s dead

I’d screw her with a screwdriver
I’d screw her with a log
I’d screw her with a piledriver
I’d screw her with a dog

I’d screw her without consent
I’d screw her with a knife
I’d screw her baby sister
And then I’d screw her wife

I sleep with the women
I sleep with the honeys
I leave them with the children
I take all their moneys

I steal to be rich
I steal from the hos
I live to be kitsch
I give to the bros

Some people got problems
Let me tell you son
I got 99 bitches
And got problems with just one

Her name was Lolita
She was a little Chica
She come from Puerto Rica
But she was the little sneak-a

I met her on the street
I thought I’d pull a fast one
I thought I had her beat
But then she pulled out her gun

They say men are from Mars
And women are from Venus
A man can hide his scars
But a woman can hide her penis

Watchmen Wednesday

I was planning on making a video for Watchmen Wednesday, but it ended up taking to long to say nothing that great, so I’m just going to post my review of the movie and a funny video about Watchmen. I think I’ll do better next time.

I saw this 160 minute long movie and I can summarize my feelings of this movie after I left the theater in one word: “Wow.” I read the novel before, but decided not to read it over before watching the movie and I felt that the movie basically kept all the elements that made Watchmen such a strong story. It starts off as the story looking into the mysterious murder of the superhero The Comedian, but it becomes a story about the various personalities that would come from the friction between humans with unbelievable powers and the harsh reality of this world. I felt that this theme was translated to the screen beautifully. The ending did change to some die-hard purists’ chagrin, but I felt that the direction Zach Snyder went with worked much better and made the whole movie come together.

As a Watchmen fan, the movie was an engaging experience. The visuals and audio kept the audience up with the plot development and the action sequences, which are top notch at filling in what every person who dreamed of how things in the graphic novel should have been. The camera angles are all set up the right way, the music sets the tone to the time period in a subtle but effective way, and the attention to detail in each setting really puts the audience into the world of the Watchmen. The characters are well-developed and given a sense of depth and history that adds to the experience much like when I was reading the graphic novel. The actors portraying the characters seemed to nail them down and breath life into them. Nite Owl’s boy scout superheroism, Rorschach’s borderline psychopathic, yet self-justified tendencies, Dr. Manhattan’s cold distance as the quantum ubermensch, Ozymandias’ calculating intellect, and the Comedian’s sense of humor on the grim truth about humanity are all captured immaculately.

So I guess what I want to say is that the film’s visuals are immersive, the audio sets the tone, the characters are spot on, and the writing is just as devastatingly powerful as the original graphic novel was. I must say that this is from the opinion of someone who had read the graphic novel before the movie, so I would like to know what people who didn’t read it beforehand thought of the movie. I might imagine that some people thought it was too long, but I certainly enjoyed soaking in every moment of it. Overall I think the movie gets 4/4 stars.

Was Watchmen good?

The answer is…

Going on vacation!!!

Well, I’m leaving so I made two videos to keep you guys occupied and a whole list of things to check out while I’m gone.

All the things mentioned:

Dr. Strangelove – I didn’t like this movie that much, but it was apparently very good.

Godel Escher Bach – about logic puzzles, very well explained

Tankmen -  animated comedy series about opposing armies in a postapocalyptic world

Red vs. Blue – machinima series done in Halo, if you like their work, Rooster Teeth (the people who make it) have 100 episodes

Retsupurae – they do voiceover commentary that rip into the crappier videos on youtube, some of the things they find will shock you while their words will make you laugh at other people along with them, a very necessary counter balance to the amount of low quality content on the internet

The Adventures of Tintin – more popular in Europe than America, looking forward to the Steven Spielberg movie coming out in 2011, I’m a fan of the TV series myself

AVGN – “popular” retro gaming reviwer, very good production quality for an internet thing, he does a video where he reviews Atari porn

Irate Gamer – “popular” video game reviewer, annoying

Leisure Suit Gaming – This is his funniest video about a $200 NES collection of games that really, really sucks. If there’s anything on this list you would watch, this would be it.

Achewood – inspired writing for a webcomic, has high brow and low brow humor, well-developed characters, some surrealist humor

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal – one of my favorite webcomics, one panel punchline webcomic humo

1/0 – I liked this webcomic, 1000 comics delving into philosophy of the nature of living in a webcomic where the characters realize that their world is coming to an end

A Modest Destiny a well-written dramatic and comedic fantasy that squidi (the cartoonist) really has me on the edge of my seat to this very day, dude needs to finish this! the pixel art might be hard to get over for some, but the plot twists and thoughtful dialogue are what really speak out to me

Order of the Stick – Dungeons and Dragons humor can go a long way for a comic. however, with so much to read after stopping several months ago, I don’t know if I’ll ever catch up!

Cerebus Syndrome – An article on Cerebus syndrome. Interesting to notice that many stories originally based on short punchy humor eventually devolve into a long, dramatic plots.

P = NP – shit’s mad complicated, but if you understand it and think you’re onto something, BAM you’ll get $1 million dollars and the respect of the entire scientific community!

Free Will – DO YOU BELIEVE IN IT?! Read the wikipedia entry, leave a comment!

Video Game Porn – The Epic List

This is how I choose to spend my time, making up video game porn titles.

Here are some of the rejected titles:

Unaltered Titles
F-Zero Maximum Velocity
Worms
Driver
Cabela’s Outdoor Adventures
Nintendogs

Altered Titles
Breath of Fire Crotch
Silent Thrill
Star Lotion
Parapa the Rapa
Phantasy Porn Star
Futanari Damacy
Zone of the Benders
Cunt Man
Mirror’s Edgeplay
Bioshocker
Super Robot Whores
Whoretal
Bloody Whore
Porn Starcraft: Brood Whores
Everbreast
Dragon Breast
Gaylo
Titty of Heroes
H-Type
XVIII
Fukken
Mario Penis
Crac-Man
Hos and Nobbins
FuckTales
Ass on her Call
Head or Alive
Custom Homo
Earthworm Rimjob
Buttalion Whores
CounterDyke
Gland Theft Porno : San and Rey’s Ass
Gland Theft Porno: Vice City
Glandia
Marvel vs. Cap-cum: Ass of the Super Heroes
Anal Fantasy XXX
Anal Fantasy Tat Tits: The Lyin’ Whore
Whore-tal Cum-bat
Per*vert
Pork
Unreal Whore-nament
Monkey Island 2: Le Fuck’s Revenge
The Rims
Ball her Straight
Snatch-it and Kink
Mario College Party
Professor Laid ‘em and the Curious Village
Mario Fart: Double Gash
Super Bang Bros
A Boy and his Boob
A Merry Cock’s Amy
Banj-ho Kock-zooie: Cunty’s Revenge
Diablow: Porn of Destruction
Titty of Heroes
187 Ride or Pie
Dickage of Cum-a-lot
Dyke Climbers
Jizz Jackrabbit
Sex: Enter the Gecko
Ballsout 3
Guilt Whores
Guitar Hero Hardcore: Rocks the 69
Fill her 7
No More Hos
Shen-goo
Dig Dogging
Sperm Channel 5
Eagle Wings
Ninja Gay-den
Whorehammer
Beyond Splooge Upheaval
Raperboy

Touching Tuesday

It’s Touching Tuesday and today’s post will have a theme involving the word “Touch.”

“Touch” is such a weird word. I’m looking at the spelling and it just seems wrong (like the word says “towch” or something). Touch the couch. Touch your pouch. Touch and say ouch. Don’t slouch. Touch sounds all wrong, am I right?

Can you Touch Type? Even if you don’t know what it is, I’m sure those reading this probably touch type without knowing it. Touch typing is the ability to type without depending on sight of the keys, greatly increasing one’s efficiency in the realms of information input.

Did you know…?

• There is even a keyboard called the Dvorak Simplified Keyboard that is designed to increase comfort in typing and speed, but apparently has never come into popular usage due to the dominance of the QWERTY keyboard layout.
• The fastest typist Barbara Blackburn has been clocked at speeds of 212 wpm (words per minute) on the Dvorak keyboard. How fast can you type?
• Most computer keyboards have a raised dot or bar on either the F/J keys or the D/K keys (or the keys in the same position, for non-QWERTY keyboards) so that touch-typists can feel them when their fingertips are over the correct home row.

The Somatosensory system has also been closely related to the human experience of music rising to prominence in popular songs and in the name of an Apple media player.

Did you know the Spice Girls group was first known as Touch?

Here are some of the songs based around the theme of touching:

Rupee – Tempted 2 Touch

Cascada – Everytime We Touch

The Doors -  Touch Me

Divinyls – I Touch Myself

This next one I posted before… I tried listening to the Mariah Carey version (click the link if you want to see it) of the song, but it just sounds wrong since I’ve been listening to this version so much. So here’s Touch My Body by some Korean dude:

God bless you, Some Korean Dude.

Boredom and Related Videos

Here’s what boredom does to me:

And a bunch of videos I ended up watching as a result of watching videos related to my video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaGPjPF2XHA How does this get a million hits?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnPv9l-5LNQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1QOtplDpas

Damn, my videos really aren’t getting views by comparison…

I need to kick it up a notch!

Emeril Lagasse is awesome, I don’t care what you think… Unless you think poorly of him. If so, please tell me.

Fast Food Fryday

Guy Orders Everything at McDonald’s

How to get Free Fast Food

Burger King employee takes bath in Kitchen Sink

Burger King meets Ronald McDonald

McDonald’s Rap

YO!!!!!! It’s a Back-to-Class Wednesday!

What does that mean? Nothing really… but it’s the first day of Spring classes meaning I’ll be going to school and doing homework. Which sucks balls.

Anyway, here are a few school themed videos from youtube:

Potter Puppet Pals – “School Is For Losers”

Uh…

You know what?

Screw everything. I’ve just had it.

I was trying to find some school-related videos on youtube. I didn’t want to do School of Rock (which is going to have a well-deserved sequel) or High School Musical (which makes me vomit in my throat), so I went looking for stuff in cartoons about kids, like Recess or Arthur, but I ended up finding a video about Hey Arnold that just made me drop what I was doing…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1ysl_q8hrk (embedding disabled by request)

A goddamn slashfic of Arnold and Mr. Simmons. What the FCUCK INTERNET! I TRUSTED YOU!

So whatever, screw doing the school-related shit. So instead, here’s a video of Arthur doing a Falcon Punch, which I just think is funny, I don’t give a damn about school or anything:

fyi, arthur does punch his sister in the episode that was from. funny as hell. I can’t find an actual clip from the actual episode with the right sounds because of all the YTPs made of Arthur punching “random” people.

Over 9000!

Digging into the past a bit, here’s a classic video from the Youtube Hall of Fame, Over 9000:

When the recession struck, stock brokers were facepalming at how the stock market was UNDER 9000!

Speaking of over 9000, I was looking at youtube’s most popular videos and channels and made the following commentary:

In other news regarding high view counts, redub of popular song Crank dat Souljah is exceeded in view count by its lulzy counterpart Crank day Souljah Spongebob:

It is leading by a large margin (about 55 mil vs 45 mil), although I am not counting the various official versions of Crank dat Souljah Boy, but counting the views on highest individual videos, Crank dat Souljah Spongebob is winning. Kudos to you internet for taking a song and remixing it for great success.

Also, there are a lot of Spongebob remix videos with a high view counts. Here’s “This is Why I’m Hot”:

I don’t want to keep talking about Spongebob in all my videos, especially since there are so many on youtube (look it up yourself if you’re so happy about it), so here’s a video going back to the theme of numbers: