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Harold Potter woke up one morning and the first thing that came out of his lips was “penis.”
Harold Potter looked like an otter. The weather was good, so he decided that he wanted an adventure. Not just any adventure, but a magnificent one. The very best adventure there ever was. As a matter of fact, “adventure” was practically his middle name that day if it weren’t for the fact that he legally changed it to “animalgenitalia.com” after selling it on eBay for $5. Yes, there was something about the morning that called to him and so, he went over to his microwave and sent an internet to his best friend David Davidson from Japanada.
"Dear David,
It’s me again, Harold Potter. I know we have not met, but today seems like a good day to meet for an adventure. Come to my house soon, but make it unexpected. I’ll be in bed when you suddenly arrive in and make today suddenly take a turn for the unexpected.
Sincerely, Harold Potter
PS Do I really look like an otter?
He sat on his bed and pretended nothing would happen. He saw something on his baby blue sheets and leaned over to sniff it. Then the room burst into what seemed like flames but was really special effects and David appeared.
“Harold!” he shouted. “Stop talking to me! I gave you a smiley comment on facebook that one time and you’ve thought we were friends ever since. Here’s your frickin’ plot device.”
He threw a magic rug on the ground.
“So, what is this? A magic carpet?”
"Uh, yeah, sure. It’s the most important thing you need for your journey. DO NOT GO WITHOUT IT!” David was already casting his teleportation spell again. He only had enough MP to use it twice today. Green swirls started spiralling around him in case his chanting and being transparent didn’t give away that magic was happening. “And if an otter could look stupid, fat, ugly, have no friends, and no at the same time, then yeah, you do look like an otter.” And then he vanished.
Harold was alone again, so he started to talk to himself. “He said that I had to figure out what I had to do with it myself… I guess that means I should ask Hermione.”
Hermione was next door because she was his neighbor for some reason. She was busy studying a Magic Theory when Harold knocked on her door.
“Hermione,” Harold said. “How do I use this magic rug to further the plot?”
“Go to the peak of the tallest mountain and leap off it towards the Great Abyss to continue your journey and take Haggard with you.” She produced a boisterous fellow with a large beard and a viking biking helmet.
“Oh, I see, he’ll lend his strength to aid me on my epic journey to the great unknown where dangers are on every corner, right?”
“Yes… I mean, no. I just hate you two.” And she slammed the door.
They did a bunch of stuff like gobbling hobgoblins, hobbling gobhoblins, fought a bear, and even tied their own shoe, a feat that they hadn’t accomplished for a thousand years. On the way, they managed to encounter many secondary characters who ended up getting killed. It took them seven days and seven nights to reach the icy mountain peak two stories high and one story long.
“We’ve finally made it!” said Harold. “Now, Haggard, hand me the rug so we can ride it when we leap.”
“Uh… Here.”
“You just said, ‘Uh… Here’ and handed me a tomato.”
“To-may-to, to-mah-to, what’s the difference?! Let’s keep going!”
“Haggard, I don’t think-”
They jumped and they died.
The End
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