Shit, man, shit, I have not written anything for a while, nothing for a while, nothing. Where have I been? I have been just dicking around with my time, man. I need to get back on track, on the ball, get the ball rolling, grow a pair and throw them against the wall action. Man, I need to get shit DONE.
I promised myself that I would do so many things this summer, but I lost my frickin to do list. Lemme see what I can remember.
- The Nine Voyages of Captain Howie Potter
- The Epic Seven Days of Burning
- Some shit in RPG Maker, I don’t know how I would make maps or anything but it’s already day 5 or so of my free trial, so not much time, if I let myself get into it I learn some programming too, but the important thing is that it has to be entertaining
- Learn to play piano?
- Youtube Videos – Video Game Pun Titles
- Dickheads songs
- Harold Potter?
- READ FFS, READ BOOKS, STOP TALKING ABOUT THINGS YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT AND LEARN THEM
- PLAY VIDEO GAMES, Stop buying games and start playing them! Have fun! Live the experience!
- An effort to get scholarships and stuff would be good
- FIGURE OUT A MAJOR
- Summer Job? Experience? Money?
Yeah, I simply must get to work on things that are important to me. Just need to get myself started and I simply know I will be a beastly machine producing things of worth.
I’ve been thinking a lot about philosophy and about what the most important virtue above all should be and it usually comes down to happiness and existence. We live to be happy but we be happy so we can live. I’ve always been thinking about the fundamental virtue to be held above all others in life, but it never occurred to me until recently that I’ve essentially been looking for the meaning of life.
With jobs, it’s especially difficult to think about because one must consider the value of one’s actions to measure up to the value of one’s possessions. How much is your time worth? How much is your happiness worth? Are you willing to do things you wouldn’t want to do in your free time for money?
I just want to be entertaining. I don’t really mind being famous, but even if I have my own thing going on that’s not a break out hit, then I’ll be content as long as I can do it while having fun and giving other people an experience that’s worthwhile. Of course, I say this now before I truly know the future and how I’ll feel about money and success then, but the point seems reasonable enough to hold into the future.
I really don’t know. I think I am able to do many things in this world, but can’t help myself from focusing on things that require work. I’ve become so comfortable with the world, so lax in my own content with how things are that I can’t allow the demands of the future to motivate me into acting. I feel like everybody just wants to be a kid, being taken care of by the paternal society providing entertainment and comfort for all of us… in exchange for our efforts and services, of course. I just want to know what’s worth the effort.
Deep down, I know that I just want to inspire people. I sat down and made a list of things that I wanted to do with my life, just listing things that seemed to be worthwhile until I got closer and closer to the idea that I found meaningful. I ended up saying that I wanted to give the gift of beauty in this world. I want to make them think, I want to make them feel, I want to give them I can produce that’s really worth giving. There’s not much else I really want.
I like being creative. I like making new ideas that might work and trying new things out. I like the idea that I can make something that no one else has and that it’s worth something. I really want to create something big though, something that a lot of people can really get something out of. I haven’t been working for it though. It’s because I’ve been lazy. Hm… I suppose there is this duality to me that I feel like I want to be here to get something from the world, but I think what I want to get most of all is something from myself. It’s nice to read and play games and watch youtube videos and shit, but what’s it all for if I’m not improving myself as a person who can give something back? I’ll just be an idle watcher, a nameless face amongst the crowd of people watching. I want to be center stage damnit. It doesn’t even have to be me, it could just be my work. I want to present something to the world that they’ll know it was done by me and I want to be ready for when that happens.
Well, this has been going on long enough. I’ll leave you with a quote from Walt Disney:
The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
