Sometimes I feel all I want is a lazy Saturday, somewhere peaceful where I am away from everything. I want peace. However, as consequence of being, I am drawn into the conflict of living. Thus, I am forced to act, to make a decision. If we fail to act in our hesitance to accept reality, we leave ourselves open to the consequences of failing to act.
Sometimes I just feel wantless dissatisfaction under the tyranny of my own doubt. What the hell is stopping me from just sitting down and doing nothing for ever? Why would I want to participate in this mindless game where we constantly compare our own wants to the wants of others? Am I just joining the good fight and dressing up in a uniform like everyone else to go out into the world and simply meeting the desires of whats expected of me, carving my own destiny simply to keep up appearances? Are people just letting themselves be subject to the sense that what they do matters to them merely to satisfy their egos and vague sense of meaning, determined by arbitrary means? We’re just products of the machine of nature. The difference from being a product of nature and a product of the machine of men is that there was no inherent purpose. We’re just made because something wanted to make us and they were made simply because something wanted to make them, just this replicating immortality of the desire to pursue procreation as recreation. We’re just tiny bugs that learned to think how to make 1 + 1 = 2 without understanding why it’s possible.
I don’t want anything. Just forced around all the time, shoved into existence to make decisions as per the laws that determine the psychology of a neotenous biological mechanism. We’ll develop science, we’ll create art, we’ll uncover what we define as truth and what is right for the state of the world at the time and feel proud that we have done something of some merit. We’ll do it because we’ll have no other alternative. There’s nothing to life. To exist is to come from non-existence and to return to non-existence. We’re stuck in consciousness as part of the condition and no matter what level of transcendence or supposed ascension of reality that we wish to pursue, we’ll always be stuck as who we are and be determined as a chemical reaction that just happens. There’s no indication that there can be more than one outcome of a situation. Our path is chosen for us.
I’m not criticizing people. I’m not saying you should stop doing what you’re doing because you’re hypocrites. I’m saying that not only should you keep doing what you’re doing, you are going to do what you will be doing irregardless. Why? Because you have to. There’s no other way to find if there is something meaningful for you in life other than to live it and you’ll be just fine. You’ll settle. You’ll settle for reality. You’ll accept things and press on forwards in the vitality of ambition, the ambition to achieve something that you want. You’ll carve out a little microcosm for yourself in the world and look upon what you’ve made and declare, “It is good.” And you’ll be right.
