Harold Potter looked like an otter. He was in the store of Bernie Botter! He was trying out some every flavor beans!
Lima, Kidney, Refried. Say, these beans don’t seem every flavor.
Get out of my store, those are not for free! said the manager, Bernie. Don’t make me get my gun-flavored bean!
Harold ran out of there faster than a horny toad.
Harold!
What’s wrong Haggard?
There’s trouble outside, no time to explain!
But we’re already outsi-
No time to explain!
They ran as fast as they could in their wizard booties, approximately six kilometers per hour.
What on Earth is that?
They looked, open-mouthed and pointed at-
THE MONSTER MEN FROM THE LOST ISLAND KINGDOM MEN
They appear to be green-skinned, with some sort of purple algae-like covering on them with red irises, yellow pupil eyes. And they appear to be moonwalking. Dude, I am totally taking a video with this on my camera phone and putting it on Facebook.
Suddenly, they retreated!
What the- They seem to have an aversion towards Facebook!
They must be anti-social, said Haggard.
That’s not true! said Hermione. They might just not like all the invites to the Vampire, Werewolf, Zombie applications or seeing those ads for dating hot girls and getting scammed into joining fake websites that don’t get them any pills that enhance their performance. You would know this if you would read your book on Magical Monsters.
I tried to read that already, the monster on the first page was too scary. The teeth, the hair, and the dark ferocity of its countenance!
Harold, that was the author.
Hermione, what were those things? asked Haggard.
Those were Bluderodenum Pervorskis.
In English, Hermione! shouted Haggard.
Those were Tossed Salad Men from the Lost Kingdom of Coleslavia.
In something that I can understand! shouted Harold.
Those were some pretty green dudes.
Oh…
You have no idea what I’m talking about do you?
“Of course we do. Of course!” Harolds and Haggard’s statements were as empty as their minds.
We have to see what we can do to stop their invasion!
Invasion, what invasion?
Look, their mucus tracks are yellow, that only means that they either have a strong cold or are planning an attack right here.
Gee Hermione, you sure know a lot about magic.
Damn straight, you guys spend your whole day playing with your wands instead of studying up your magic folk. I’m surprised you haven’t been bitten by naked mole rats in your sleep.
Those aren’t magical.
But the naked rat moles that make them appear are.
Oh…
Let’s get into the car to get there faster than water down a toilet. The car was beat up like Kel Mitchell’s career.
They got into their car and began their process of following the trails of the Tossed Salad Men. Haggard was driving, Hermione was shotgun, Harold sat in back.
Harold spoke. Gee Hermione, this road to Coleslavia sure is treacherous. Look at all those winged bats and batted wings.
If I wanted to go to Coleslavia, I would be taking the road east, said Hermione.
But if we’re not going to Coleslavia, then where are we going? asked Haggard, scratching his five o clock eclipse (an magical form of a shadow).
Why, we’re going to the closest habitat suitable for the Tossed Salad Men, the Lost Island of Winnebago.
But that place is something you just made up! said Harold.
That’s true, because that’s the only possible explanation for their appearance, a forest island with a tropical climate off the coast of Vinidadvania which I am going to name Winnebago.
On the car ride, they passed the rural landscape of a standard farming community in magic land. There was a magic cow, a magic chicken, and a magic dog. They produced magic milk, magic eggs, and golden magic eggs, respectively. Somewhere, there was a magic rooster that burst into flames whenever the sun would rise and be reborn from the ashes each morning. It was truly Godot’s country (Godot was a wizard who owned the country).
As they approched the horizon, they could see something in the distance.
Hermione, what the heck is that?
What?! Is there a monster outside? Hermione’s eyes darted back and forth. She thought of her books about monsters in this sort of climate.
No, there’s a lot of water out there.
You mean the ocean?
What is that? Some sort of lake?
Pause.
You mean you’ve never heard of the ocean?
What the heck is the ocean? Harold lived a rather sheltered life. His parents took good care of him but it didn’t matter because he was dumb as a rock, except rocks can be very sharp at the right angles, which pretty much summarizes Harold’s head.
Never mind that! said Haggard. Look at what’s in the ocean!
Four stories tall, two stories wide, it will have to wait until the next installment of…
Harold Potter and… Some Dudes! Or something!
