This is just about me going through a stream of consciousness from March 9, 2008. The events may not have happened in one day, but they probably did happen at some point and to a point in which all the ideas were linked together. I think I got runner’s high from that day in spite of the fact that I was walking. I hope this might be interesting, although I don’t know how thinking could be interesting. Mostly because thinking isn’t really a thing for us humans. Actions and imagery are more compelling than the unwieldy subconscious ramblings that go on in our heads. I suppose this was more of an exploration of a conscious experience that was very powerful for me. It had places. It had objects to subjectify. And I’m the subject that’s being objectified.
Well, here’s to something pointless.
Shit, look at this video. Oh man, awesome. So funny. Videos of people doing stupid things. Fat kid gets owned. Look at these links to related videos I might like. Oh awesome. Look at these people’s comments. Whoa, totally lolz. Oh man, video responses of people watching the same videos? Uh… sounds cool! Videos about facebook? Oh yeah, facebook. I’ll go log in. What does ‘pontificate’ mean? Just remembered reading that article about that video game that this guy’s profile picture is based of. I’ll go look at it now. The wikipedia article. What an awesome game. I’ll look at games of a similar category.
Shit, I’m supposed to be working! Shit, calm down, take a walk. Damn, it’s dark outside. It’s mad dark. I forgot my glasses again. It’s mad hard to play certain games without glasses. Is that a dog? Thanks for the change, man. Lemme see, 43 cents is from 3 nickels… 1 quarter… and 3 pennies. Good. Thanks. Okay, do I have my cell phone? Maybe I’ll just sit here and play minesweeper. Man, I’m tired. I’ll go back inside. Where’s my house? That way. Okay. Why is it so dark? Mad dark outside. When did I wake up? Damn, I didn’t change the date on my phone from the last time I lost it. It’s not the 13th of January 1998. Wow, I look terrible. Lemme take a camera picture of myself from another angle. Wait, this angle has better angling. Shit, it’s too dark. There’s that place I’d really like to take a picture of at some point. I pass it by all the time. It would be mad chill if the people in there would let me in their house.
Oh man, what about that guy I never called. Damn, I lost his number. Shit, what’s in my pocket? Oh awesome, Sour Patch Kids. Now in three flavors. Blue Raspberry- Orange, Grape-Watermelon, and Strawberry Kiwi. Yes, that is what I bought for myself. Oh, this is that park I like to hang out at. I wish my friends were here. Maybe I’ll hang around their neighborhoods next time. Yeeahh.. Equity Park. Nice name. I used to go to this very Public School. Swings? Sure things. Look at those kids. I guess it’s not that dark out. I didn’t know kids went outside. That must be the mom. Must think I’m threatening. I’ll leave. I’ll go walk through this tunnel to the avenue.
Oh damn, they locked up this way. I’ll walk around. Nevermind, this way. Run across the street. Whoa, I remember they sell du-rags at that store. Funny. I’ll go to the GameStop. Many people buying stuff. Can’t stay. Air stiff. Just standing here. Kinda fun. Look at this kid play. What a noob. He can’t be doing this right. Oh shit, I’m just looking at these games. Why would there be so many shitty games. Oh man, I have good games at home. I’ll walk. Walking along here smells nice because of the restaurant. I like Chinese food. Is that Thai place still in business? Damn, I never eat there. Maybe if I find that guy’s number that I forgot I could have lunch with him there. I’ll walk down this way.
Look at that squirrel. I did a project in the third grade with squirrels. I was never good with dioramas. Looked like a shitty shoe box. My mom helped me find acorns. By her bus stop. I never walk this way. I’ll go see my Middle School. It’s a youth center? Nice! Oh yeah, I remember those gates. I was late all the time. And look at this place. Nursery? There was a sandbox at my nursery. Like a table. Had a lid for when it rained. I remember dad picking me up from the nursery once. Halloween, and all the kids had costumes. I didn’t get one.
A church? Imagine an architect walking around just to look at places. He’d go in and be all like, “I’m here to observe the altar,” but like literally rather than like a religious thing. He’d go into that pizza place and look at the people live in there. He’d imagine designs for places and how it would serve people’s functions. After that pizza place, another pizza business could start. Yeah. Nice guy. Look at all these people’s porches. And all these houses. Families could live in all these houses. All different. The architect would look at these buildings like habitats for people to inhabit. Oh, bench. Nice place. I’ll look it up on Google maps. So glad I brought my keys. It’s mad dark…
I remember that time I wanted to not go to school and count all the leaves and stones and twigs in that small place under the subway. It wasn’t even a park. I had no idea. No benches or nothing. I bought a bag of chips and a candy at the gas station near there. Gas stations and convenience stores, all over the place. Always a convenience. Always the same brands to look forward to. I could be home anywhere. I miss my mom. I’ll give her a hug when I get home. Whoa, windy. Shit. It’s cold. Button up. Why does this jacket never perfect. Damn I hate this shoe, need to tie it up again. Why’d it have to burn the shoelace short? It? ‘It’ is fortune. Bad luck, I guess.
I’ll call my friend. He’s not picking up. His fault for this. We could talk about something. Anything, I am content. Run run run. There’s the way back home. Used to go to those two schools. Now, I am arriving from the deli near the train station to my new school. I like this walk. I should enjoy it every day! So quiet. So peaceful. No one is around. Yet, the street is busy with houses and families. Dogs and birds and cats around. Cars buzz. Sunset is nice. I want to breathe just to celebrate this moment that happens only once a day, and happens this exact way only once a year. Technically, this moment only exists once in all time! Oh, what I can do with my life!
There’s my house. I can go there. But I’ve never ever had to walk one block in this direction! More houses to discover! More streets to tread. No threatening trends amongst these grounds. Kids. They are hanging out. Nice. I don’t hang around with neighborhood kids anymore. Probably from the same block. Nice bike. ‘Hi.’ Hi. He said, ‘Hi,’ to me? Nice people. I only hang around with the people at Stuyvesant now. My life is distant from my home! Oh!
And I wish to go back home. This different path I walk to reach the same place I always need to be at the end of the day. To not breathe this fresh, yet polluted air. Darn cars. Why don’t I breathe? A pleasure simply denied is a luxury. I’m going home again, from a different path. Roads less traveled, and so on. And so on, I’ll be more well acquainted with who I am in this neighborhood. I hope this wasn’t a moment in time in which a certain spirit inhabits my body yet I am unable to recall the feeling and merely have a vague memory of it all. I was a child again today.
There’s the backyard. There’s the garage. There was a tree, yet now there will be a garden grown this spring. I’m sure of it. Why’d I climb over my own gate? Because this home isn’t welcome to me by the front door? Because it will always be welcome, even though the shingles and siding may have been changed over the course of a day when I wasn’t there to see it. Even then, I knew its steel doors, changed, were still open to me the day I wanted to return.
What am I doing here?
